Hi. Hello. Heeeyyyyyy........

I just realized something. With 2 years coming up very f*cking fast, I don't think I ever properly indroduced myself. And if you know me, you know I'm a PROPER lady (said deadpan solemnly). manners, etiquette, charm school kinda sh*t.

So allow me to give some insight into life here in the sticks of Linneus, and the workings of the pantry.

This is me (Cara, Rara, Nana, hun, you dumbass etc., depending on who's saying and what stupid thing I just did). The picture may give a clue, just a little one, into my um.....personality? On Hubs (Nick, Nit, babe, ******) and I's wedding day, we got our poor photographer to come to camp for pictures. Yes, I'm in my wedding dress. Yes, I'm on the beast. Yes, that is in fact, mud. This is who you're dealing with. Not someone who gives a half a crap, and possibly not someone in their right mind, but that's what keeps Hubs on his A game, looking for hair/beard dye, the closest liquor store and possibly medication to help for spouse induced stress. I'll admit it. No shame in that. I keep life interesting - well probably more on the spastic side of interesting.

If you've managed to follow along this far, I didn't go to Hah-vahd or Yale. I write like I talk. Acually did quite well in English, but who the hell needs grammar?

Our life here on the windy knowl is pretty boring actually. But we like that. The most excitement we usually get is the LIDAR plane flying over and the community Facebook page wondering if they're invading us, spying on us, dropping relief or rabies packets or just someone scouting for their next vacation home spot. For any of the above, most reactions are giving the plane the finger and saying go the f*ck home. I'm only half kidding. We do have the occasional speed racer fly by, but all we say is hope they slow down before Haynesville. There's moose down through there. If you stop for food, don't be surprised to see one or both of us laughing at the other for something dumb that happened. Or me in my pjs wandering the yard. I'm not lost. I'm not sleepwalking. I'm just checking the garden and really don't give a shit. Especially not in the morning. I do try and make myself presentable before encountering humans. It doesn't always work, but I try. If you DO drive by and Hubs is in the yard, honk. I like making him wonder what's coming at him next. That'll be good for a couple months of laughing at his expense. I'm not mean. He would absolutely do the same to me.

We swear. A lot. Like a lot a lot. Well, I do. World champion. So if you're a neighbor......I try not to yell, but I'll apologize now. Got started at an old age. Wouldn't dare in front of Dad. Still didn't in front of Mom. Sorry about that ahead of time.

Speaking of Mom, that's who taught me how to cook. This is her. And a pic of Mom and Dad at the restaurant.

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You know, always cut yourself with a sharp knife - it hurts less. Don't reach in the oven without a mitt. Keep the eggshells OUT of the food. Clean as you cook. Never write anything down. Always run out of the one thing you need to finish the product. Burn the first batch so the rest will be perfect. Forget a bag of groceries in the car, so you have to go back to town. Forget your list when you do go to town. Some of those are all my own. Mom was a good cook. Taught Culinary for almost 30 years. Wouldn't let me take her class when I was old enough. Does that tell you anything? My Dad taught me to stand up for myself, how to hammer a nail, always pick up the cans on the camp road, don't talk when the news is on, measure 8 times cut once, always make sure you can make it to a gas station (hard learn), and how to put someone in their place without them knowing you did it (that was both of them). I still don't listen or follow instructions, measure or level anything (girl math and eyeballing), and my temper isn't as in check as theirs was. Ask the Hubs. Mama's maiden name comes out a lot.

Did I tell you I ramble and get side tracked? You should be warned about that. Again, sorry.

So I got tired of People-ing at my store in town. Said to Hubs "hey............i was thinking". He HATES hearing that. Also "I had a thought". That's a biggie. This is when, if he was medicated, he'd be popping an extra pill before I could speak. But he loves me, sometimes more than others, so he just lets me continue.

And that's how the Pantry came about. You know, the blue building out by the road. The building I wanted to paint bright ass electric hot pink. For safety reasons of course cough cough. That got vetoed immediately. He would've caved to anything at that point to avoid pink on the front lawn. Dammit, I should've had more ideas to throw at him at the same time. Hindsight and future knowledge. Shit.

This building right here is the reason I'm tolerable to the Hubs at this point in our married life. Because he knows if I have an order to do, he can pretty much do the stuff he wants to get to. I may consume A LOT of his time with my bright ideas and plans. He absolutely adores me and my lists........hold on - i can't breathe through the cackling.

We used to be fun people. Bikes, sleds, camp, adventures, random road trips to nowhere. You know. Kinda adveturey without the risk of dying (mostly). We even hiked to Table Rock overlooking the Balsams. That's the selfie. Evidence that we didn't die. Almost, but not quite. Now we work. Is this middle age? Just working? And then complaining that you can't move the next day BECAUSE of the working? At least once a month we say "we gotta do something fun - get wheelers again or get back to camp - something". I'm bitching and whining I know.

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But wanna know a secret? Neither of us can sit still. I can more than he can. That's what's great about that NOT hot pink building by the road. If I feel like cooking, I can and someone can enjoy it. And that's a good feeling. I'm helping you guys not have to use your kitchen. A decorative kitchen isn't necessarily a bad thing to have. It's always clean!!!!! Jealous actually. Hubs NEVER comes home to a well put together kitchen. It used to drive him nuts. I wore him down. Secret super power unlocked.

But in all seriousness, I love my people. You know who you are. I know who you are. You swarm the place if I post that there's food out there. I got a text from someone one day. A screenshot of her conversation with her hubs. Asked him to pick food up. He said he would in a bit. She told him he didn't know how it worked. It wouldn't be there in a bit. That's some funny shit. I laughed and laughed. And then I cackled some more. True story.

So the Pantry has definitely gotten busy. Some weeks, there's nothing for the faithful. Those are the weeks that I definitely overbooked myself with orders. I always try to make extra so there's something out there, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. And I humbly beg forgiveness from you. There's no set menu for the week, the day, or even the hour. It changes on the fly most of the time. Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm putting out until I print the labels. Shocker I know. I'm SO ORGANIZED. But because you guys are the bestest of the best in the WORLD, you put up with me and my hectic ways.

This won't be a normal, regularly scheduled program. If something funny comes up, or something dumb happened, or any major news breaks, I'll try to fill you in. Probably not recipes, because well, I'm not a recipe girl - but you never know. Definitely no tips on organizing your home (cackling again). Maybe some tips on desensitizing your significant other to your ways. Or how NOT to do something (experience). Who the hell knows what might pop up here?

But for today - that's all I got kids.

Yours in absolute chaos,

Cara